Reply to Husband extremely depressed; I am postpartum. Help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if you work full time, why are you "patching it together with part-time childcare"? Look for a spot in a daycare center for both kids. You won't have to deal with nannies, which are  a single point of failure system as you have experienced. Then once your family is feeling better, you can get a nanny if that's what you'd like. You can also keep looking for a nanny while your kids are in daycare, the two aren't mutually exclusive. 
Second, it sounds like your husband is a good guy. He took care of the first kid so you could sleep and he cooked. [b]What else would you have liked him to do?[/b]
It also seems like you are expecting the wrong kind of support. Your friends and family aren't there for you to unload on. My sister was very helpful at helping me determine criteria when I needed to talk to a councelor. She was also very helpful at getting me to realize that talking to someone would be a good idea. Beyond that, it wasn't her responsibility to be my therapist. Our parents generation doesn't really grasp postpardum issues, which doesn't mean that what they have to say is all wrong. 
As for your husband, his mental health needs to be the priority. If he won't view it in the same way that he'd view a physical illness, then you need to decide if this is what you want to live with. He may need you to help in much the same way people need help with physical illnesses. Part of me is wondering if your husband's depression is his way of protecting himself. You got depressed after the first baby, and you still even with the perspective of time and distance can't see that he did indeed help you.  
 
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Recognize that I needed professional help, because I had trouble getting that in my state, and not tell me to go ahead when I told him I had suicidal thoughts? As I said, he was practically helpful. I'm not sure why you seem to have so much invested in telling me what is going through his head and heart. It sounds like maybe you are a man whose wife was depressed and you have issues about it. As for friends, I'm there for my close ones to confide in and it is a great gift. Just don't have close friends in town, which makes a difference.[/quote]

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