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[quote=Anonymous]We had our second baby a few months ago. Our first is almost 4. My husband is now going through a depression. It is hard for me to tell how deep, because on the one hand he occasionally has thoughts of giving up, feeling suicidal, being very hard on himself, and on the other hand he is still fairly functional, laughing, joking, interested in things, etc. It's a bit of a roller coaster.

In any case, I have called in the support of his family, he has a therapist, and is going to see a psychiatrist soon. The problem is that in the course of this depression he has become extremely irritable and sensitive. He says mean things to me when he is triggered, he hashes and rehashes my actions and words, he is very critical. Every time I say anything that rubs him the wrong way he tells me that I am not helping him in his depression. He has a lot of pain inside, and I get that. It comes out in ways that are hurtful to me and our marriage.

With a preschooler, a still EBF baby, and a full time job, this is so much pressure for me. I don't know what to do. I don't have much support either. My parents are sort of emotionally handicapped, my sister is very busy with her own family, my best friend lives in another country, we just moved to this city a few years ago and due to working + young children we have some community but not close close friends to call on and unload. I know I could see a therapist, and I might, but on a day to day basis I just don't know how to cope with this.

I went through PPD/PPA with our first. It was pretty bad. My husband was not very sympathetic. He did a lot in terms of actions (taking over the care of the baby in the mornings so I could sleep, cooking, etc.) but he did not try to get me help for my depression nor did it seem to register to him that I needed help. I went through a year of hell and basically pulled myself out of it because I didn't want to leave my child without a mother. That was the only thing that kept me going on the worst days. I don't fault him for his lack of support and recognition -- he was probably overwhelmed and just fighting to survive as well. I am concerned that mine could recur in this situation although I've tried very hard to prioritize my health and sanity and so far have not had to deal with the symptoms I had after my first. I don't want my heart to be burdened with anger and anxiety, I don't want to be unable to sleep from worry and the hurtful things he's said... I really need to take care of my kids, I'm worried for them too because what if he doesn't pull through this and I have to be a single parent?

Any suggestions and tips for coping would be very welcome. Oh, and we're on our third childcare search this year. First nanny got divorced and move. Second one, her dad became suicidal. So right now we're patching it together with part time childcare and trying to stay afloat. Please tell me, what do I do in this situation besides 1) focus on the nanny search and 2) try to be there for my kids?[/quote]

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