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Reply to "Severing ties with a parent for good as an adult"
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[quote=Anonymous]Quick backstory, my mother is an emotionally abusive, bully, victim-playing, possibly bi-polar/schizophrenic lunatic who I have financially carried for the past 30 years. Paid rent, car payment, misc expenses, for this woman and she is horribly ungrateful. Abusive to my husband who also has done nothing but try to help her. She has done nothing to improve her situation except waste money on living beyond her means. I have been in therapy over this woman and found the strength to sever ties. When the kids were born, my husband insisted that I rebuild a relationship with her as she has changed and it would be good for the kids to know their grandmother so I let her back into my life. Big mistake. For the first 4 years of the kids lives, she was good to them and tolerable to me. Two years ago, she slipped back into her nasty self and again found herself in financial ruin. Last year, she/we reached the end of the line in being able to pay her rent as it was necessary due to issues with our children that we put them in private school so she ended up living with us. I have one brother, whose wife (obviously) can’t stand my mother and wants nothing to do with her. We are now in our 40’s and planning for retirement and children’s futures. Due to lots of twists and turns mainly caused by her, I have discovered there is approximately $15,000 debt that is in my name created by her. Last week, I inquired about this in a very civil manner and wanted to have a discussion of how this cannot continue. Well, she became enraged and shockingly violent for the first time in years. Last time she was violent with anyone was back when I was a kid. All of this was done in the presence of our 2 young children. My husband literally threw her out of the house and she went to my brother’s house. He has given her 1 week to get her act together and offered to buy her a plane ticket to live with a relative overseas. She keeps calling and texting me to take her back. My therapist is on vacation so I need some encouragement today. It has been a wonderful 4 days since she has been gone, quiet and peaceful in the house. I have resolved that I want nothing to do with her, not even when she is on her death bed, and I will also refrain from responding to her nasty text messages. She writes such horrible things and makes up stories/lies about my husband that it drives me bonkers. It is very difficult for me to not respond, but I know once you engage with an irrational lunatic, they will just go on and on, dragging you into their madness. Has anyone else experience anything similar with a parent? If so, how did you handle it? If kids were involved, how did you explain it to them why Grandma was no longer a part of their lives? [/quote]
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