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Reply to "Found Marijuana In Kid's Room - Do I Tell My Ex?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am a 52yo divorced dad and when cleaning my D15’s room, I found some marijuana and a small pipe cleverly hidden, but not so well that I didn’t stumble across it.

This was surprising to me for several reasons but I didn’t have a huge reaction and am not terribly worried about her.  She has almost a 4.0 GPA and attends a high performing school where she is a star of the speech and debate team and hangs out with what I would call the bookworm crowd.  Other than the fact that she is buried in her cell phone more than I’d like, and can get pretty mean and vicious when she’s upset, she’s a good kid and headed for a high achieving life (very college/academic minded).

I need to speak to her about it and am formulating what I will say but here is where I’d like some input;

[b]Do I Tell Her Mother?[/b]

We are divorced and it was a pretty tough custody battle but we currently have 50/50 joint legal/physical.

One parent friend said I should talk to my daughter but keep her confidence by not telling her mother and handling it myself. Her mother may have a huge reaction as she is very emotionally reactive and spends a good deal of her parenting time yelling.

I can see the logic in this because D15 is mature for her age and on the precipice of being a young lady, but it is not my natural course of action because I believe in co-parenting.  However, my ex definitely used our daughter as leverage and involved her in the divorce inappropriately which created some parental alienation which I am still working to undo. So it’s important to me that I continue to establish my own relationship with D15 and parent her my own way. Telling her mother may cause a huge reaction that won’t be commensurate with the issue at hand.

[i]Side note - I also wouldn’t be surprised if my D15 denies it’s hers and my ex somehow accuses me and makes it all my fault, even though I’ve never had anything to do with weed. Thats how crazy the divorce got.   [/i]

However I am strongly leaning toward telling her mother [u]after[/u] I speak to her about it. The reason is that I would fully expect her mother to tell me if the tables were turned and would be angry if she didn’t. At the end of the day I think the best thing is to put aside personal anger and resentment (which I have plenty of) and co-parent our kid because it’s the right thing to do.

Thanks in advance for your inout and advice.[/quote]

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