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[quote=Anonymous]Grateful if you could chime in with wisdom and advice.
So, I am a little over 40, with 1 elementary school child and a 7 year gap in employment (reasons related to bureaucracy, but I have never done anything illegal) and married. We live in a high COL area in a 1 bedroom with mediocre but not bad schools.
Soon I will be eligible for seeking employment. However, our marriage has not been a bed of roses, and we are calmly talking some form of divorce or separation. We have tried quite a few ways to save the marriage but none worked.
The question for me is what do I do and in what order. My husband is a sort of guy who will avoid taking active steps in separation, but instead will expect me to do the work: find a job, move out with our child, take some child support from him (his idea of the amount is extremely low fwiw), and he would have the kid on weekends. He doesn't care about the legalities, they are up to me, he just wants to spend a reasonable amount of time with the child. He won't object to our moving pretty much anywhere. However, all this is provided that I don't spite him on financial aspects. If I go for the official amount of alimony and child support it will be very hard on him and he will spite me as much as he can.
I am trying to think what to do.

I don't like the area or the neighborhood very much, so it makes sense to move first and then look for employment. But then, I don't think I will be in high demand first, nor will I get a well paid job, so maybe it makes sense to stay put, look for a job, and after a year or so move, once I have better employment prospects?

Next: do I move first and then file for divorce or separation? It will give me more mobility with child while I am still married, will give me de facto legal custody as I won't have to ask my spouse for every decision, and hopefully give me more official custody later on. But I would have to live on very little support from H before I file officially as there is no legal way to get more before I file.

Next: should I go for the full amount of what I am entitled to in terms of child support and alimony, and then be softer on enforcing if he has trouble paying (I would have leverage of sorts over him), and risk ruining our communication, and possibly him immigrating to another country to avoid payments or reduce them? He responds very poorly to pressure, he can do crazy things if he perceives himself slighted.
Or should I just try to haggle (maybe go to a lawyer together and let them break it to him just how much I am entitled to) and settle for whatever he will reasonably offer and not have any scuffles with him?

And finally, maybe it makes sense for me to move to a low COL area with whatever I am able to get out of him amicably (which won't be more than $2500 per month plus an occasional extra here and there), settle there first and then look for work? Which there probably won't be much of....

I am just at a loss of how to proceed and in what order. 
Thank you! 
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