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[quote=Anonymous]OP, please come back and give us the details requested by PPs above. The ages of the kids involved matters a lot here, I think.

Meanwhile, take care that you don't burn a bridge now because behaviors change a lot as kids get older. What is currently awful behavior that riles up your own kids could change and your nephews might be OK for your kids to be around in a very few years or even a few months. And by the time your nephews are tweens/teens they could be nice guys who are good role models for your kids. Sure, it may not happen, but what you'd consider horrible behavior now (unless they're already tweens/teens--?!) may be gone eventually.

I am not saying to subject your kids or yourself to behavior that's not acceptable now, in hopes that eventually the nephews will behave ideally. Don't do that.

Do set expectations for your own kids' behaviors based on what you already know about how your nephews are likely to behave: "Remember last week when we saw Josh and Sam and they did X, and I had to make all of you stop?" (Yes, mom....) "Well, we're going over there this afternoon. If Josh and Sam do X again, it's time for us to leave." or whatever works. If your own kids get riled and act up -- follow through and leave with them, immediately. Tell your brother or SIL that your kids are learning to be good guests and when they can't behave it shows it's time to go home. Don't blame their kids even if their kids really do egg yours on. Just be brief and put the focus on "we're working with behavior on our kids, thanks for understanding!" and depart quickly.

And control the situations -- do you and your kids go to their house to hang out or they come to you, and it's unstructured, "You kids go play now" time? I would avoid that for a while to come. Issue inivitations for specific events where the kids all can focus on something besides each other, and must be monitored a bit more by all the adults, such as going to a festival or kids' concert or playing mini golf or whatever.

If the nephews act up in a place that is not your home or their home, it is far easier to say, "The kids seem to be getting tired and oh my, I see it's nearly X o'clock--Sally has (whatever)  at Y o'clock, so we should hit the road." Always have a reason in your pocket.

I do think that if you and your brother are close, and he is a person who can see his own kids somewhat objectively, you could talk to him about it. I would talk to him and let him decide how to address it with his wife. And I'd stick to what others here have said -- make any comment to him along the lines of, "The kids are at such different stages of interests/behaviors/energy levels right now, let's see about getting them together when they all have an activity to do rather than just hanging out." Tailor as needed.

But the ages and genders of the kids really do matter....so what are they?[/quote]

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