Reply to Spin off. If you were emotionally/psychologically abused by your parents what it your relationship?

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Reply to "Spin off. If you were emotionally/psychologically abused by your parents what it your relationship?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My father was verbally and emotionally abusive to the entire family, and physically aggressive towards my mother.  He stopped speaking to me when I was a young teenager (we lived in the same house) and only pretended like he was a member of the family when other people were around.  I left for college at 18, and my mother filed for divorce shortly thereafter.  I never saw or spoke to him again by my own choice, and he's dead now.  Never met my spouse, never met my children.

My mother is a perfectly nice but very emotionally immature person.  She did not protect any of the kids from my father's abuse nor leave the situation, though she had family support and resources to do so.  She blames us kids for "making her stay" and for upsetting him (we were all pretty well-behaved, easy to deal with kids -- good grades, no drugs/alcohol/sneaking out, helped around the house).  We get along a lot better now that we live more than 100 miles apart and we can focus on talking about the grandkids.  I expect very little of her and am always pleasantly surprised when she calls to talk to my kids or visits.  I rarely share my own personal successes with her because, even though I know she speaks proudly about them to others, her comments to me directly are often passive-aggressive or implies that it's obtained sheerly by luck rather than an effort I put forth.

I was extremely fortunate to have a good relationship with my grandparents, aunts, and uncles.  That helped get me out of the house and showed me what positive, loving relationships were supposed to look like.  I'm not sure where I'd be without that, but I'm really grateful I had those people in my life.

I did therapy, and that was very helpful to establish what I could control versus what I couldn't and to make peace with the situation.  I am very cognizant of how I deal with my kids, though.[/quote]

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