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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sure you know better than me, and you likely should be giving me advice after 30 years! But here's how it usually goes down for us:

One person initiates a conversation by apologizing for their part of the argument. "I'm sorry for bringing the finances into our discussion yesterday. It wasn't the topic, and I can see that it made the conversation more heated than it needed to be. I'd like to put that behind us and not have the argument hanging over us this weekend."

The other person usually apologizes for their part too. I'd say about 10% of the time, the other person either doesn't accept or says something shitty, and it can reopen the whole argument. That's a real moment of regret when it happens. If it does, usually we'll do something like, "This is obviously still a sore topic. Rather than have the fight all over again, I'd rather just let it sit for a couple days. Can we agree to disagree for now?"

There's usually kind of an awkward vibe for anywhere from a few hours to a few days, depending on how big the fight was. It sucks. But we ride it out, and the sooner we do stuff together again, the faster it goes away. Going to see a movie is usually a good thing to do for us, because you don't actually have to talk, but you're in close physical proximity and it gives you something light to talk about.

I read in a John gottman book that physical touch/closeness during a fight really brings down the intensity, and I have found that to be true. When we're disagreeing now, we try to sit on the couch and at least have one hand on the other's arm or leg. It can be awkward, all you want to do is get away, but it really seems to help keep the energy low, vs standing and yelling across a room. [/quote]

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