Reply to Tips on Dealing with DD and Nephew

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like the dynamic in our family. And this jumped out at me:
[quote]MIL and FIL care for Jack very frequently, and when Jack's parents are around, they take the time to relax, go out, and generally abdicate all parenting to the grandparents.[/quote]

I'm guessing they frequently abdicate their parenting responsibility and very rarely actively parent him, let alone in any positive way. Am I right?

So, in my family, this has resulted in a nephew (age 7) who acts out for attention in any way he can get it, is INSANELY jealous of my baby because grandpa (who is not local) is one of the few people who actively pays positive attention to him and now grandpa is dividing his attention between two grandchildren, and me feeling very nervous any time nephew is around baby because he gets in baby's face, isn't the slightest bit careful, etc. (and I'm not generally a worry wart mom. I mean, I let my kid chew on the table at a restaurant today during lunch.)

It's exhausting and frustrating.

I intervene A LOT. If SIL doesn't want to parent her kid, I will, and without hesitation, because his behavior can have a direct impact on my kid. I don't tolerate his bad behavior. I do not allow him to get aggressive with baby. I praise the heck out of him when he does something appropriately. I suggest fun things we can do with baby. I remind myself it's not really his fault that his mother sucks at/refuses to parent. I try my best to shower him with love and guidance that he doesn't get at home. That doesn't  mean there aren't days that I struggle. But I set boundaries, enforce them, and PRAISE PRASE PRAISE for making good decisions and appropriate behavior.[/quote]

I think we have the same SIL and nephew...  I admit, you're better than I am at handling it, because I don't excessively praise him (this is after years of the nephew being a total brat - the younger cousins certainly weren't the first trigger - so I think I'm just worn out by him).  But I will try to think of things in that light next time we're together.[/quote]

It's only because I spent years teaching preschool that I feel remotely equipped to deal with my nephew. "There are no bad kids" and all that. And even then, sometimes I just snap. (I mean, I've said 7 times in the last 5 minutes not to get right in the baby's face!) It hard. Keep reminding yourself that the poor behavior stems from poor parenting, he isn't inherently "bad." And then cut yourself some slack because raising kids is hard, having to compensate for shitty parenting by others sucks donkey balls, and your first priority is protecting your kid.[/quote]

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