Reply to Big fight with DH about 19 months old DS's parenting method

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Reply to "Big fight with DH about 19 months old DS's parenting method"

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[quote=Anonymous]I & DH have different ideas over the parenting of our 21 months old DS. DS has not gone to daycare yet, and is currently under grandma's care during our work hours. He will attend daycare next year September.

DS is an energetic kid, and he loves to scream & jump when he is happy, he loves to run around when he is outdoors, and he does not stop his behavior when people tells him "NO". He has speech delay, and he is under county intervention program. DS is often commented by people as a happy child, always wave "hi" & "bye" to strangers, and has no problem hanging around with kids in the playground or gym class. He rarely cries, and I do say that he is a naughty child because he likes to test our boundaries as parents because I see the smile/smirk in his eyes. When he get pushed by other kids, he does not cry & still wants to hang out with them. When he falls on the street, he rarely cries & just move on unless there is a big cut. Because he is the only child, he sometimes get bored at home, so he always find stuffs to do around the house, e.g. picking up tiny trash on the floor, running around the table, playing hide and seek with himself, handing you things from somewhere, and trying to make you play with him etc. . Whenever we take him outside, he just runs nonstop because he gets excited whenever he sees other little kids around his age, and he looks up/likes to copy other older kids in the playground even though majority of the time, the older kids ignore him & treat him as a baby. He just loves to be around kids and people.

DH thinks that Ds needs structure & discipline, and he tells me that he sees there is a chance our son would be a "bully" growing up because he does not listen to what people say and just still does his own way. He says that our son does not care and has no fear whatever we, as parents, say. He does not stop his behavior when we tell him "NO" multiple times. He is the only child does not come to circle time at gym class (his first gym class at that facility) like other toddlers do, instead just playing on the slide & doing his own things around. He wants to use timeout method, teaching him to listen to parents say and teaching him there is a consequence if he does not listen/follow. At home, he wants to place him in the pack n play when he is not listening & acting well. And, I know that he would cry tearfully whenever he is placed in the pack n play because it restricts his mobility. And, later on, he would want many hugs from mama & try to ignore/fear of Dh.

Okay, for me DS is only 21 months old, and I do agree that we should introduce him some discipline, but I am against timeout by placing him Pack n Play. I would rather hold him tight with my arms and look into his eyes by talking to him repeatedly why mama & baba does not like this behavior. To me, discipline should be applied & reinforced gradually over time, and I believe over time, he would understand more & more when he is growing up. Especially he is at the play and learn stage, I believe he should learn the correct behavior by experiments and under guidance of parents. He would learn more disciplines especially after he goes to daycare. I just want him to be a child that playing around at this age. And, I think that my Dh was too serious talking about our son would be future "bully" because the way he does not listen to us now. That is just a false assumption, and it just does not make sense to me. Dh wants to send our son to daycare immediately instead of next year because he believes that daycare would be a great learning ground for him to learn structures & disciplines. But, as a mom, I am not mentally ready, and I have awesome parents willing to take care of him for the time being. I want to be next year, not now. At the end of fight, I told him fine, you can do your pack n play timeout, and I will do my talking to him method. We both are mad at each other.

What will one do if parents have different views of parenting? I know there is no absolutely right or wrong especially both wants the best for the child. I am just upset that we have been having the same fight over and over again for the past weeks because we both do not agree with each other. I am kind of resenting Dh that even both of us are working (he has a high demand job), I am always the main one taking care of Ds, doing house chores around the house, and taking our ds outdoors to playground/classes/storytime by myself over weekends. Since I am the main one taking care of ds between us, I should have the biggest voices over this matter because I contribute the most in terms of time/energy/effort over ds's parenting. I don't think ds is bad child, he is just a typical boy for his age now. And, even though both Dh and I are the same race, but Dh was born & grew up here, and I grew up from other countries. We are both professionals and have great educational background, but we do have some cultural differences.[/quote]

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