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[quote=Anonymous]We have a 13 year old girl and 8 year old boy/girl twins. The 8 year old boy is very angry that his mom works. Both his Mom and I (his Dad) are busy professionals. Our nanny is with the kids during the day. We spend a lot of family time together on weekends and we try to take as many vacations as possible, but during the week the kids see us early in the morning and at night.

Our 8 year old son is angry that his mom works. He says "other moms don't work, or they find jobs where they can work at home." (there are a lot of stay at home moms in our neighborhood)  Before my wife leaves in the morning, he demands to know when she will be home. When she does get home, his favorite activity is to be next to her on the couch and watch movies. If my wife says that she will be home at 6:00 p.m., but she does not get home until 6:30, or later, he is extremely angry. He will even get physical with her. He has pulled and ripped her shirt. His tantrums seem to be less intense now, but the behavior is still there. When he demands to  know when my wife will be home and it is going to be later than he wants, he will also say things like, "then when you get home we will watch 2 or more movies together instead of 1, etc."  Then, when they are next to each other on the couch to watch the movie, he will insist on lying on top of her, or very close to her, until she spends about 10 minutes explaining to him that they can't do that.

The other kids (the girls) do not have this issue. Our 13 year old did not have this issue when she was younger. Historically, my wife has felt very guilty about her long work hours, but now is confronting his behavior more directly and starting to insist that he not "punish" her for coming home late. These "confrontations" seem to escalate things, but his tantrums don't seem as intense as before.

A few additional things to know about him: (1) He and our 8 year old girl sleep in the same bed as my wife. This is something that I was always against, but we did it with our 13 year old and she eventually drifted into her own bedroom. I think we worked so hard that out of laziness, it was just easier to fall asleep with the kids in the bed while watching T.V. (2) He is afraid to go to the bathroom alone. He usually wants one of us to walk him to the bathroom, turn the light on for him, and then wait outside the door until he is finished. He refuses to stay at one end of the house alone, and he believes that there are ghosts (3) He has been much slower than the girls in making friends. He now does have one good friend and has recently had some other play dates that went well. (3) he will get violent with his twin sister by pulling her hair or hitting her. (4) he is very smart and good with technology. he can get my cell phone to do things I did not know it could do. (5) he has been slower than the girls in reading and writing, but perhaps just as good or better in math.

Over the years, he has been getting IEP help from school, but my wife has always thought that maybe he was on the high functioning autism spectrum, and that he should have been diagnosed as such. His teachers think that he is "a pleasure to have in the class", he has done reasonably well, and has, with rare exceptions, not acted out at school.  He has had violent tantrums, but they seem to be less intense now, and he can be talked down from them, unlike before.

Is he just immature?  Is he ADD? Autistic spectrum? Does anyone have any thoughts? [/quote]

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