Reply to Optimistic that I am going to fix my "default parent" situation

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[quote=Anonymous]I am hopeful that I am in the process of fixing my "default parent" situation. When we first moved in together DH and I shared the chores evenly, but over time, especially as we had kids, I have taken on more and more of the new tasks that came up. This is especially true of the invisible "administration" tasks like planning vacations, buying birthday presents for other kids' parties, keeping track of when the kids need new shoes and buying them, etc. Also, he used to do most of the cooking but now whoever gets home first starts dinner since the kids need to get to bed, so that has added to the imbalance.

What I did was to make a very long chart listing everything that needs to happen to run our household. I broke it into "tasks" (cooking, taking the car to get the oil changed, taking kids to the dentist) and "administration" (meal planning, keeping track of when the car needs oil changes,  keeping track of when kids need dentist appointments, researching dentists, making the appointments). There are something like 150 items. The columns are for me and him (separately) to say who we think does what percentage of it now, how much time we think it takes, how important it is that it get done, and how much we like or dislike it (1-5). We started started to fill it out, and once that's done we will use it to re-assign tasks. When I sent it to my DH he said "OK just the number of things on here makes me think you are right that you do more than me." That was such a relief to hear.

This is a premature post since I dont know if this approach will work yet, but I wanted to share my optimism. [/quote]

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