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[quote=Anonymous]I've got a 14 yo so I've got a couple years experience on you.  Does your DS have an IEP?  What school system are you in?  We're in FCPS and in middle school they have a class called 'Strategies for Success' for kids (with/without IEPs) who have recognized organizational challenges.  It provides explicit instruction on study skills, organizational skills, tools, executive functioning, etc. It's really a great class.  It's an elective but if the kid demonstrates compentency, they can get out out of and take a different elective when the quarter is over. Sorry to say that my DS has taken it 8 quarters because he did not demonstrate competency - partly ADHD, partly behavioral.

I've given up on trying to get my DS to intrinsically 'care' about his grades.  I don't need him to 'care', I need him to do his work and demonstrate he has learned the curricula. I try to keep things as objective as possible and the most objective criteria I know of that measures understanding of the criteria are grades.  DS has tried to suggest other criteria.  That leads to a discussion of objective and subjective measures and, because I have final determination of what the measurement tool is, we use grades.  DS is of average/above average intelligence and while he has multiple LDs, particularly in math, he is quite capable of all As and Bs.  That is the objective I have set - all As and Bs.  Based on his performance, he can earn privileges and rewards - same as me at my job.  When he gets D/Fs, he goes on a performance improvement plan (PIP).  The lower the grade, the more involved I become.

When DS has A/Bs, he can take he cell phone to school every day.  He has access to it from the time he gets home from school up until dinner time.  He can also use it to listen to music while he walks the dog.  With Cs, I shut it off remotely when he gets home from school and, depending on his behavior, he may/may not get to listen to music while walking the dog. Any D/Fs and he loses the phone completely.   Note, I do not 'take' his phone, he 'loses' it.  He has to 'earn' the phone and games. Same with the video games.  Language is important.

He only gets to play video games if he has all A/Bs and even then he has to 'earn' time.  For example, he had to do a presentation for a class yet was refusing to practice and was especially resistant to any feedback I had.  I 'bargained' with him.  Every time he practiced the presentation, he earned X minutes of game time (to be played on the weekend).  He didn't have to do it in front of me but he did have to record it so that I could count the number of times he went through the entire presentation.  I couldn't offer him any suggestions but I could live with that.  At least he had some practice before he did it.

FCPS uses SIS/Blackboard to record grades on assessments and homework.  In our schools, everything is there so I can see what scores he's gotten and what's missing.  At one point, he dug himself into an academic hole he didn't know how to get out of and was refusing assistance.  I scaffolded my response.  
1.  He needs to contact teacher to schedule a re-take. / He needs to contact teacher to stay after school
2.  He needs to email the teacher and I want to see the email and the teacher's response
3.  I dictate to him what he needs to write to the teacher and I make sure he does it.
4.  I contact the teacher directly with a copy to DS
5.  I arrange a meeting with me, the teacher and DS (he hates this but it's been effective).
5.  The nuclear option that I haven't done but have put out - I sit in on the problematic class

Yes, I know.  You'd think a 14 yo wouldn't need his mother to email the teacher.  Believe you me, I know how this sounds.  I've got 2 other kids and I don't have to do this with them but this kid is different and you have to parent the kid you've got.  There are a ton of life lessons my kid needs to learn before he leaves the house.  I've had employees who haven't learned these lessons and it sucks for everyone.  At least at this age, I can do something about it.  The teachers have, with few exceptions, been really supportive and on board.  Those that haven't, I suspect think he's just a lazy shit that needs to get his act together.  The problem is complex.  Yes, there is an element of laziness/inertia in there but there's also a real skills gap.  Problem solving and planning just don't come natural to him.  It's hard and I need to help him learn how to help himself.  HTH.

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