Reply to when your preschooler hits

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]3.5 is such a tough age.  They know better, but they can't yet do better when their emotions are running high.  I think you CAN just ignore.  It will teach her that hitting isn't effective, so she will stop.  You can also talk about what TO do when she's mad like that -hit a pillow, stomp, etc.  My kid liked stomping - it got the physical aggression out, made noise, and was a little taboo to boot!  It wasn't great behavior to encourage, true, but it didn't risk hurting anyone, and the phase only lasted a few months.

16 MO is totally different - just redirect, don't respond, etc.  That baby is too young to make a decision to hit, so you can't hope to influence the decision yet.

For both, the book Hand Are Not For Hitting was surprisingly effective.  I don't know why kids respond to that, but mine did.[/quote]

This is really good advice, and I agree wholeheartedly.  3 was a really rough age for my DS, and he had a lot of emotions that he was struggling with.  He almost never had tantrums when he was 2 but had more at age 3.  It's also hard when there's a toddler and frustration about what it means to have to start sharing more (babies are somewhat easier for kids to deal with, but when they start walking and talking more and grabbing toys, etc., it can be really hard on older siblings).

I suggest doing whatever you can to keep yourself and your toddler from getting hit but allowing her to do whatever she needs to do to get the anger out.  She's obviously feeling big emotions and is having a hard time with them.  I would say something like, "It's okay to be angry, but I'm not going to let you hit people.  You can hit this [pillow, floor, etc]."  If you can foresee the hitting coming, step back and try to get out of the way to avoid being hit.  Stay nearby if you can be try to redirect to hitting something else.  If you can't stay nearby without being hit, I would walk away and say, "I'm not going to let you hit me.  I love you and am going to go to the other room until you're calmer."  The more you help her express her emotions and let her know it's okay to be angry, the less she may need to do this.

I also think this will blow over.  The 5 year old one of the PPs mentioned is a different case than a 3 year old, in my opinion.  A typically developing 5 year old is still struggling with emotions but should be able to avoid hitting in a fit of anger.  Many 3 year olds cannot, and using the ignoring with a 3 year old is different than with a 5 year old.[/quote]

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