Reply to I Got Out! You Can, Too.

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[quote=Anonymous]OK, DCUM divorce hater police, this one is NOT for you.

I left my abusive and alcoholic ex almost three years ago.  The divorce was final 1.25 years ago.  It was the hardest decision I ever made. I stayed too long, honestly, looking for any glimmer of change.  Then, when we separated, he used the joint counseling sessions to try to control me further while covering up his affairs, etc.  That really played with my head.  I almost gave in and went back to him until I found out about the affairs.

Now, today, my life is so much better.  Is it easy?  No.  Do I feel I have a lot of work to do before I'll be fully recovered?  Absolutely. But I spent 13.5 hours with him yesterday for an activity with one of the kids (competing in a high level sports competition). He was just the same.  He was angry and abusive and everything else to me and telling the kids lies about how I didn't want to go, etc. I straightened that out with the kids that of course I was going to be there and they knew in their hearts I would never miss a major event of theirs.

They don't change.  Sometimes they get worse even after the divorce.  You wold think with time they would give it up, but no.  He has a girlfriend so I hoped that would be enough to cause him to start treating me somewhat normally.  Nope. Not even close.

If you are struggling with an abusive relationship, trust me, I've been there.  Getting out was the single best thing I ever have done for my health and sanity, even though the path to "better" has not always been linear.

Think of this: Spending most days breathing freely, not worrying about what will set him off, and even when you have to deal with him, having the strength to just say "whatever" to yourself and not engaging.  It can happen.  Even when you have let yourself get worn down over the 20 years of marriage you spent trying to accommodate this guy and hoping he'll change.  It's never too late.

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