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[quote=Anonymous]DH is a good, dependable husband and father. I feel like that should be enough, but I'm so tired of stagnating in the same tiny condo with nothing to look forward to. He gets stressed out by any talk of change or goals. Not that I want him to be impulsive and flighty, but I would like to be working toward something...anything! I've long wanted to move to a different area, but that's a nonstarter, and when I talk about planning to sell our condo and move to a house, he says he might look for a new job so we shouldn't commit to even a local move like that. Or that we can't afford it...well, let's figure out a plan to afford it! And he's been at the same workplace for over 10 years and been saying that he might look for a new job for most of those years. I don't think that he's just satisfied with how things are whereas I'm never satisfied...he seems to view most of day-to-day life as a grind. He says he's not anxious or depressed, but he doesn't seem happy, either, and he acts like he's powerless to change anything in life. Any time we go out socially, he grumbles about it, even when he winds up having a good time. He sees someone for ADHD meds but not for anxiety or depression, apparently it never comes up when he meets with doctor every few months. I have some individual goals (things I want to achieve professionally and creatively) but I feel frustrated that we can't even discuss changes that would affect the whole family. (We have one child in elementary school.) I've been dealing with my own anxiety around what-ifs of bad things happening in life, and my therapist said it would be good to have some positive things to look forward to. But it's so hard to plan things to look forward to (beyond, like, a coffee date with a friend) with someone who cannot handle any threat of change. We can't even plan a vacation beyond joining in on family trips without him pocket vetoing it...always some excuse for why it's not a good time to talk about it, and then the window closes. I'd be fine with something that was more HIS goal than mine, like if he wanted to visit a particular place or pursue a new hobby, but he's like "Of course I would like to do X or have Y, but this is just how things are/how our life is." And I don't believe in that mindset. This is not a brand new issue, but he was more adventurous, active, and social for the time we knew each other before marriage (about 7 years), so I kind of expected that we would continue learning and exploring together. And the older we get (nearing 40) the harder it is to feel like each year is no different than the last. Especially because at some point, life will get harder! Our parents are aging, either one of us could get sick, etc. So...

Any advice for how to either deal with this issue or accept my life how it is?
Any advice on how to help DH feel and express happiness and interest in life? 
Any advice on developing things to look forward to on my own, beyond fitness goals, professional growth, and creative pursuits? (Preferably something not too expensive?)

I probably sound like a type A high achiever, and I'm really not! I'm not in a corporate rat race. My professional goals are more like just acquiring new skills and responsibilities over time, to keep learning. I love the little moments with my family and feel very lucky for what I have day to day. I just feel like there's so much possibility in life, and I don't want to be stuck because my partner is afraid of change. Or if he truly doesn't WANT change, why doesn't he seem happy? It occurs to me that maybe it's me...I know he loves me but maybe that's different from making him happy. Or my spending habits. I don't have expensive tastes but I do drop more at Target or on Amazon than I should. We're not saving as much as we should, so that's probably a big part of it. When I see possibility, he just sees dollar signs. But even when I've talked about setting a goal for how much we save and then planning a vacation or something, it's like the very thought of setting a goal and working toward it is stressful and he avoids the conversation.

Ok I'll stop rambling now...clearly I had a lot to get off my chest! [/quote]

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