Reply to Living with a difficult husband (very) when you are upbeat and happy

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[quote=Anonymous]My H and I have been married 24 years. He used to be more fun but has always been moody, had a temper, hotheaded and not always the easiest. We have weathered some tough times but always got through it. By nature, I am upbeat, happy and very comfortable in my own skin.  He can blow up easily and lately has been way moodier than usual. I think if i am to be honest he really does not like himself that much. He feels overweight, has a hard time getting along with a number of his family members and though he has some friends, not an overly social person. Opposite of me, I have a lot of friends, in generally likable and very outgoing and extremely positive.

Two nights ago we were going to a function, I told him last minute he had to wear a tie. He asked if I was sure. I was. We get there and he sees a few guys walking out in shorts/t shirts and FLIPS out. He said (he did not mean it but still) "if I walk in there and am the only one wearing a tie, I will kill you- wait till you see what happens if that happens". Now I know this is going to be very alarming and maybe I do need a reality check about how bad this is. I was correct, those guys in shorts were there for something else, and every guy had a jacket and tie but that was besides the point. I have not talked to him in 2 days after what he said.

He has never ever laid a hand on me, or even tried. He has yelled and lost it (but a bit milder over time) however this crossed a line and I think it all stems from him not being happy with himself. He got in a big argument with his sister and husband and then at work another disagreement, he is very successful at what he does but his personality is I think volatile.

I told my sister what he said and she went nuts which got me thinking about this whole thing. He says twice now that he was joking but that is NOT something one jokes about. Any advice? Though this is not his every day mood, he is often grumpy and negative. We have four kids last one graduating this year. The thing is I do love him and care for him, I know in his heart hes a  good guy/father/husband and I think strangely, more than anything I feel sorry for him. Maybe because i am  a very happy, positive content person in  my own skin and do not think he is and I imagine that must be very difficult. Could use some advice.[/quote]

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