Reply to MIL - I am not inclined to respond, but ideas welcome

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL wrote me an e-mail for my birthday.  Just a side note, I can't stand e-mail bc I get so much from work and kids school, but she loves e-mail.  My MIL is anxious, quick to give advice when she knows nothing on subject, and has difficult relationships with her kids and everyone else in the world.  So my birthday e-mail contains a paragraph on how she wants to be more involved in my kids lives like going to recitals, plays, sports events, etc.  My kids are heading to middle school, and she literally has attended nothing in all of elementary school.  I really want to respond that she missed the boat. I can see now that my kids have very little interest in adults, their focus is on peers.  But in elementary school they would have loved it.  Even this year I noticed that every single kid in my DD's piano studio had a grandparent at the once a year recital, except ours.  [b]My parents were super involved until my Mom got sick[/b], so we used to not care that my MIL and her husband didn't attend.  I know I should just let it pass, and just write her back thanking her for remembering my birthday.  Unfortunately I vented to my husband, who is already super sensitive about his Mom's lack of involvement, and he got upset.  My favorite practice is to draft the angry e-mail back and then delete it.  But welcome to other ideas!  [/quote]

OP, I think this line is very important. I'm so sorry your mom got sick. You have gotten good advice here on taking the high road, and I think that's the right course of action. Just thank her for the birthday wishes and share any upcoming dates for your kids' events. Cc your husband. Let him handle any follow-up (I find that anxious, difficult people like your MIL tend to ask way more follow-up questions than necessary, and you should not take these on).

I can see where you would be acutely aware of the presence/absence of grandparents in a way others may not be, given what you're dealing with personally. I'm sorry that your in-laws haven't been the grandparents you know your parents would continue to be if your mom hadn't gotten sick. Wishing you the best. :) [/quote]

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