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[quote=Anonymous]I had very similar circumstances growing up, and very similar concerns.

We did not confront my father but my husband and i did have very frank conversations about how we would handle various possible scenarios, and we went out of our way to ensure that my dad got plenty of time with his grandkids but no unsupervised time.

To my great surprise it was largely a non-issue.  My father isn't really well enough to be left alone with the kids anyway, and it was quite easy to just be present.  My father did not exhibit the same behaviors w/ my kids that he did with me.  There were occasional flashes of anger verbally but nothing beyond that and nothing that I couldn't very easily intervene with by finding a way to distract the kids.

Good luck OP.  I have found it quite healing to be empowered sufficiently to protect my kids from what I experienced, and parenting also made me a bit kinder in how I treat my father.

It has also been helpful to practice being a united front with my husband.  "I'm sorry Dad but this is how Jack and I have agreed to handle this.  You may not agree but I ask you to respect that these are the decisions we've made together for our family."  It was helpful to talk all of my concerns through with my husband before they came up in interactions.  And I've been amazed at how rarely I'm triggered by my father's behavior.

I hope it turns out to be manageable for you.  Congratulations on building your family!
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