Reply to How do I deal with a very anxious, controlling mother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I have thought that it may be good to limit visits to neutral places, such as having adjoining rental condos at a beach vacation. I don't want to cut my mother off, but her negativity and anxiety are only getting worse as she ages. (She is 70). [/quote]

I think this is a good idea.  It's important to set boundaries, as pps have mentioned, and this sounds like a good start.  My mom wasn't anywhere near as controlling your mom but her behavior was similar.  And I used to obsess about how she would be happier if she would only listen to me and go to Al-Anon.  My dad had quit drinking 10 years before but Al-Anon would have helped her with her controlling, codependent behavior.  I finally realized I had to accept that I couldn't change her.  And then I told her I didn't want to hear anymore about how lousy my father was.  That made her really mad but she stopped talking about him to me.

That was the beginning of a new relationship with my mother.  Establishing that boundary helped me separate from her emotionally and eventually I could just relate to her as a nice person who was controlled by her anxiety.  But I couldn't have compassion for her until I set boundaries.  Take care of yourself first, OP, and then you may be able to have a better relationship with your mom - or not.  But take care of yourself first.

You sound pretty self aware and like you're going in the right direction.  Good luck![/quote]

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