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[quote=Anonymous]Mother's Day weekend was difficult.  I am in my 40's, and my mom is very, very controlling.  She criticized me in front of my kids for giving them lemonade (she would prefer water or milk) and Advil (for a headache).  The lemonade was at the very first meal that we shared together.  She took it away and replaced it with water with a teaspoon of lemonade.  Then she lied to my daughter when she complained that the drink didn't taste like lemonade.  Regarding the Advil, I don't give it frequently, but my mother believes that it should be saved for extreme situations, such as after surgery.  Nothing in my house is good enough for my mother: my dishwasher is not good enough, my tap water is not good enough, my guest room is not good enough, my parenting is not good enough.  If I give my child some advice about her homework, my mom announces out loud (in front of child) that she never had to help me with my homework.

I mentioned to my mom that my high-school-aged DC might want to become a speech-language pathologist, and my mom's response was that that is a working-class job.  (My mother grew up in poverty and has always married up).  I would recommend a hotel for my mother, but she actually is terrified to sleep in a hotel alone.  This is evidence to me that she suffers from extreme anxiety.  My mother does not recognize that she is anxious and denies it when I try to point it out to her in a matter-of-fact way.

My mother can do helpful things when she visits, such as taking younger DC to the park.  Every discussion with me, however, is negative.

I have thought that it may be good to limit visits to neutral places, such as having adjoining rental condos at a beach vacation.  I don't want to cut my mother off, but her negativity and anxiety are only getting worse as she ages.  (She is 70).  [/quote]

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