Reply to D17: "I can't stand any of you and can't wait to get out of this house"

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Reply to "D17: "I can't stand any of you and can't wait to get out of this house""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No job, no personal savings, drives a new car we bought her, lives a charmed life and yet talks like this. I can't wrap my head around how a teen thinks they're entitled to $200,000 one way vacation out of our house. Is it too late to fix this? I think she's far too immature and way too entitled and want to make her do a gap year before college. Her mother is a softy and thinks she deserves to begin college straight away.[/quote]

I don't think readiness for college has much to do with how polite or rude teens are to their parents, so I think you're mixing up the issues here.

Regarding her readiness for college: What are her grades like? Is she managing her schoolwork independently and well? Does she manage her extracurriculars, etc. independently and well?

Regarding whether she deserves to go to college: I dunno, I don't really think of college as something kids "earn" per se. I mean, sure, they earn if with grades, etc., but that doesn't seem to be what you are talking about. I wouldn't have sent my eldest off to college if I didn't think he was ready and interested and committed to making a success of it. But that's different from "deserving" it, as if college were a reward for being polite. I consider college (or trade school) a necessity just like high school is, and I never considered whether my kids "deserved" to go to high school.

Regarding whether she is grateful for the charmed life she leads: Let's face it, she lives a charmed life and drives a brand new car because you wanted to give her those things. You've had plenty of time to consider whether giving her all those things was a good idea and whether it might encourage a sense of entitlement, etc. For whatever reason, you haven't wanted to stop giving her stuff and doing things for her. TBH, I'm not sure how you stop now. I think it's important *not* to give kids too much, so this isn't a path I've found myself on. The idea of buying a teen a new car is so foreign to me I hardly know what to say. So I don't know how you get off this path at this late date. And I really don't know how you get off the path if your spouse isn't on board. I'm guessing DW wouldn't support you if you wanted to make DD earn her own gas money or insurance money or if you decided to take the car away or decided to make those things contingent on helping out around the house?

I can tell you how things work at our house, but we are on such a different path I don't think it would be helpful. [/quote]

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