Reply to Divorcees - any red flags from the beginning?

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[quote=Anonymous]
I'm responding to your post because I know someone (family member) who has a very unhappy marriage.  They aren't divorced mainly, I think, because of finances and codependency.

The wife says that there were no red flags, but I disagree.  She talks a lot about how when they first dated, another guy said something crude to her and he grabbed the guy by his shirt and told the guy never to talk to her like that again.

She speaks of it as an example of chivalry and how flattered she was.  But I see it as a red flag that he had anger issues, didn't deal appropriately with conflict, was quick to revert to bravado.

Needless to say, his temper grew worse, and now that behavior she thought was so romantic has been turned on her.

The moral of the story is that it isn't just important to watch how a guy treats you.  Of course he's going to be on his best behavior and maybe even put you on a pedestal, but that is temporary.

It's important to watch how he treats other people, how he deals with conflict, and most important, how he treats people he doesn't like or doesn't get along with (how he behaves in arguments).

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