Reply to Grandma wont come to our house to see kids

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Grandma wont come to our house to see kids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you live in a "bad" neighborhood?  Do you live in the city and she lives in the suburbs?  As people get old their tolerance for city driving goes way down.  My parents in live in the NYC cuburbs and basically refuse to drive to NYC itself.
Does she not like to drive?
What's the issue?[/quote]
No, both in good suburbs. [b]I'm not sure her issue. She always refuses offers to do things here. Says how about I take them to this place by my house.[/b][/quote]

OP, can you step back from the anger for a moment? I mean that genuinely, not as snark. Have you asked her kindly if there is something going on with her that makes her reluctant to drive to you? You seem to have decided that the issue is somehow she just wants things all her way, but in this case I would instead be concerned that she has something going on that you as her daughter should look into.

Maybe she is having health issues she isn't mentioning. They don't have to be something serious. She might have realized -- without wanting to admit it -- that she is no longer comfortable driving very far, or driving in anything other than daylight. This might be as simple as just a growing fear of traffic as she gets older or as serious as vision problems or slowed reflexes. She might, like a lot of older people I know, be increasingly reluctant to drive anywhere with which she isn't already very, very familiar -- I know people who do drive, so their adult kids say, "Mom drives to the store, the mall, her friends' houses so why can't she come to me?" but their parents are driving to the same few places, close to their homes, that they have driven to for years and years, and they balk at driving an hour to get anywhere, especially in traffic. Consider that she might just be in that stage and frankly--cut her some slack if that's the case; she's interested in your kids and wants to be involved with them and that is not the case for many who post on DCUM.

If she blithely drives anywhere for an hour at a time and isn't in the stay-near-home driving phase, AND you rule out health or vision issues, maybe she is reluctant to tell you that there's something about your home or your area that throws her off. Pets when she's not used to animals? Feeling like she's on your schedule when at your house? You won't know if you never ask her; please do that rather than stewing in anger. The fact you say you are "not sure what her issue" is means you have not had an adult discussion with her about this--why not? If there is some longer history between you where she won't discuss things, or where she has always insisted everything be her way ever since you were little -- that's different, and you and she have bigger issues between you. But if she is otherwise OK and not self-centered, there may be something wrong with her or with her perception of being at your house. Ask.

She won't be around forever. She is only one hour away, not many hours or a plane flight away, like many grandparents. You do not say she's toxic or critical or mean. So I'd try hard to talk with her and frankly to accommodate however she wants to see the kids. That does not mean going to her house every single time, but it might mean finding out what it is about either driving or your home or your interactions when she is in your home that make her want to do everything at her house. Maybe it's as simple as "my own grandmother never came to our house but we always went to her" when she was a child herself -- and maybe she doesn't even realize that's what's making her behave as she is. But you wont' know if you stay mad and never ask.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics