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[quote=Anonymous]Have you discussed this with him? Told him frankly how you feel? Impressed on him that the 12-year relationship he seems to assume will continue for life is jeopardized? I didn't see in the post anything indicating you had laid all this out for him or made clear that this is becoming a deal-breaker.

If you haven't had this discussion, well, he can't read your mind and may be assuming things are fine and you condone his choice not to work and to accept dad's money.

If you have talked about this -- was it over time as you said, "What happened with the grad school idea?" etc., piecemeal? Or has there been a sit-down "come to Jesus" talk where you were extremely direct about the one large issue of your deep problem with his lack of a job/ambition/interest in a life beyond the Internet?

It would help to know if this is a problem that's out in the open between you or a problem that you see but about which he's oblivious.

After such a long time together he sounds like he's totally assuming his life is fine with you because you've stayed with him. The fact the families are so enmeshed is going to mean a lot of people may visit a ton of guilt on you for breaking up with him. I really would tell him what you're feeling and then tell him that couples counseling, starting immediately, is a non-negotiable next step. Also consider therapy for yourself because you may want help navigating family guilt and a possible breakup after such a long relationship. [/quote]

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