Reply to When is it NOT better to stay together for the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DCUM, I feel extremely conflicted, so please be kind.

I am overwhelmed at the moment. Have a toddler and an infant and live overseas with my husband. When I was two months pregnant, I found out my husband had cheated on me. I feel almost certain there's more he has not told me. Additionally, he's emotionally abusive - blaming, accusing, gaslighting crazymaking. I try to diffuse or just walk away but it's like this tension builds and he just has to have an argument like it's some kind of pressure valve. I feel extremely stressed living with him.

That said, my children are very small and I feel vulnerable. Getting really financially solid is going to take some time. I worry about the financial implications of divorce now and in the future (healthcare costs, college savings, etc etc etc). I worry I couldn't handle being a single mother. Foolishly, perhaps, I worry about the societal implications of my children growing up with divorced parents.

I know it's not a healthy home environment but I feel overwhelmed with guilt at the prospect of leaving my husband. Is it better to just suck it up and stay for the kids, or should I get out??[/quote]

Is it possible for you to seek counseling where you live? How long do you expect to live overseas? Are you legally allowed to work where you live? Are you working now?

I personally think that marriages are only worth saving when both parties WANT to save them. I know couples who have recovered from cheating, but it takes time and the investment of both people to not blame, accuse, gaslight, etc. I have never seen that happen without a counselor being involved, ever.

I would worry less about stigma for your kids if you divorce. That's not really as big of a consideration as it used to be. Lots of kids have divorced parents, single parents, etc.[/quote]

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