Reply to Child custody advice, any divorce attorneys here? I don't know what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel for you.  I had similar concerns about my exH.

I white-knuckled it in a sh*tty marriage for 8 years.  I documented the hell out of the various incidents/insanity, but (obviously) no one could guarantee that he wouldn't have the kids for a substantial proportion of time.  I waited until they seemed resilient, mature, and self-sufficient enough to hold their own.  I filed when they were 11; divorce was finalized when they were 12 and a half.  (Insult to injury, bc I was the plaintiff, I had to take a mandatory parenting class.  He did not.)

Ultimately, I have them the vast majority of time; he has them every other weekend.

I'm not saying this was the best / right approach.  Just sharing my experience.[/quote]

Thank you, I've been leaning toward that approach - waiting until he is older and more self sufficient.  Why did they make you take a parenting class?? Was all your documentation used in the divorce?[/quote]

The parenting class is required for plaintiffs in divorce cases in Alexandria - where I live and was divorced.

Documentation - yes, but not all of it.

I'm a lawyer (not a family law / divorce lawyer) so I pulled together enough representative examples over the relevant time frame to show a clear pattern / practice of incompetence on his part, and reasonable and repeated attempts on my part to discuss, enlist professional help, etc., to modify his unreasonable behavior.  I gave that documentation to my divorce lawyer.

If you decide to take the wait-til-maturity approach, you really need to commit to documenting.  More is better than less.  Even when you're tired and angry and wondering WTF is the point.

Do you have a support system?  I really hope you do.  I did, and it was (and is) invaluable.

Talk to people you trust.  There's shame involved here (I know this very well).  Don't let the shame factor isolate you.

[/quote]

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