Reply to Seriously, what is the downside?

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[quote=Anonymous]I feel for your situation, OP. But I think that there's just a whole ton of uncertainty that goes into deciding to marry someone, and you will ultimately have to trust your gut. You're never going to know the future, right? You have to believe that going through life with this person is going to make your life more interesting / delightful / etc. than not and hope that time and trust and however the two of you do marriage proves you right.)

I know PLENTY of bi women and bi men who are in long-term relationships (some marriages)  with people of the opposite gender. And they're really bi--they get crushes on people with roughly the same percentage of gender breakdown as their dating history, etc.

In my early-40s vantage point, I see some "Wait! I was part of the LGBT community when I was dating someone of the same gender and now all that is invisible--but I'm still a part of that community" in bi folks who are in opposite-gender LTRs, but none of the sane ones have gone and torpedoed their marriages. They mostly just say, "Oh, yeah. Like I used to be artier / more political / on track to have three kids instead of one / have lived all over the world" and realize that you chose a marriage every day. (Sorry! Old married person here.)

I think the key question is the one people are circling around: Do you think your fiance (or would-be fiance?) is being honest with himself? Have you known him long enough, been through whatever you personally need to to know that your sex life is where you both want it to be, that you can be honest with each other when hard things happen, you can show up for each other... etc.

If you think he's lying to himself or you...you're the one with more information than we have. And I hope you're taking his responses to your concerns more seriously than you're taking anonymous strangers responses.

But bi men can 100% have as functional marriages with women as straight ones can (from my observation. But I have a decent sample size.)

Good luck! (Marriage is strange and terrifying. So don't discount how reasonable it is to feel odd and unsettled at the idea of picking a person and saying some intense things in front of essentially everyone you know. Marriage is also, in my experience, pretty amazingly great, eight years in.)[/quote]

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