Reply to Helping my DS be okay with being an average athlete

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 14-year old lives and loves to play sports--two in particular. But as he progresses through middle school, it has become clear that he is a skilled athlete, who really knows his games, but is just lacking that essential fire to be really good at them. He was just moved down from the A to the B team in his current team and he as looks toward high school is beginning to understand that he may not be able to play on the teams there. Given these have been his whole life, how do I help him find a way to feel okay about this? I can tell it's making him feel bad, and I think is really affecting his self-esteem all around. I have encouraged him for years to find other interests, but nothing seems to interest him. Has anyone else helped there not so great athlete get through high school feeling happy enough not playing or at best, riding the bench?[/quote]

I am going to try to say this a bit gently, but I don't think your outlook on this is very productive. He is only 14. He hasn't even gone through puberty in its entirety yet. You've already decided he doesn't have fire, but "fire" is not some sort of static characteristic that is never changeable. What it sounds like he needs is a frank and open discussion about what it takes to excel. "Fire" is not some random skill that he's either born with or not born with, it's something that can be developed and honed like every other skill. If he's a skilled athlete who really knows his game, there is no need to write him off now [i]if[/i] he truly wants to excel. He can do it, but it takes a lot of work. What I see with the teens who excel in their sports is a singlemindedness and a persistence that's something they work on just as much as they work on their pitches, or their three-pointers. They work on their drive just as much as anything else.

It could be that what he's really saying is that he doesn't want to work as hard (and that's totally fine), but I don't think it helps him to think that other kids are just born with drive that he doesn't have. He needs to make an active choice, and he'll feel better. That could be that he doesn't want to put in the time or the energy, and that is fine, but I think he needs to be consciously deciding what he's doing. [/quote]

I disagree that you can work on "Fire" or "singlemindness". From my personal experiences as a athletic and those of my kids and compare those experiences with the top players - the kids that do the best are ones that have a "fire" and its not something they learn or practice it is an internal push. They are competitive and they are good - they can certainly improve their skills with practice - my kids do that - but they don't have the drive. Not everyone, whether is sports or work have that drive. [/quote]

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