Reply to stepmother refuses to see anyone while undergoing chemo

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[quote=Anonymous]Just some thoughts here,

We all experience diagnoses and grief differently, although fairly recently cancer is seen as a "battle/fight/invader" in which one is to combat and actively fight against.

You're immediately told about participating in cancer fundraisers and affiliated charities and the idea is to bring your loved ones into "the fight."  Make your needs known!  Update everyone via social media/blogs.  Have your needs made public, have meals delivered, have your house cleaned thorough sign up apps.

My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1967 when the word cancer was whispered.  Even family members who inquired were told it was "female-related" or something equally vague.  My grandmother's cancer treatment (a radical mastectomy) was curative, but coincided with a relocation, a chance to start over and tell no one of her breast cancer.  I found out details only decades later as a teen.

I'm thrilled that we no longer have to hide or whisper or move to avoid talking bout cancer, but not everyone wants a public display.  Sometimes, a serious diagnosis moves us to a place of introspection and we crave privacy.

I have a childhood friend who experienced death of a toddler under tragic circumstances.  She's become a very public grief advocate and encourages people to reach out to the grieving - in the days and months following her child's death, she craved companionship and activity and appreciated legions of people, some strangers, visiting and writing and delivering flowers and meals.  To my cousin, under similar circumstances, she went inward.  She needed quiet and rest and lots of time to cry and scream, alone.

All that said, there's no right way.  My FIL is undergoing treatment for melanoma.  He is otherwise a devoted grandfather but a few times a year, he has a heavily bandaged face or is in the midst of what amounts to a heavy chemical peel.  We just don't see him while he recovers.  He says he's vain and doesn't want to scare the grandkids.  It's ok.[/quote]

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