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Tweens and Teens
Reply to "my daughter and i have a terrible relationship"
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[quote=Anonymous] Try to allow her to take lead? If she doesn't feel like talking, give her that room and let her know you're there when she's up to talking again. Listen. I've heard you talk when they're young, you listen when their teens. Try listening instead of jumping in with...anything: judgement, advice, warnings, sympathy, a story from your own youth. Just listen and absorb where she is. What does she like to do? Follow her lead. Anime? Buy some and put them in her room. Music? Slip her a card for downloads. Buy tickets to a concert. What are you fighting about? Consider if it's worth it. We, as parents, love to win a fight. We argue them down and declare our authority, and that's cool when it comes to eating all your peas when they are three. At 16, you've got to consider that winning matters to her. Give her a win now and again, especially when the stakes are low. Wearing a stupid shirt is okay; a skirt that looks like a belt, not okay without leggings. Teach her how to walk in heels. That's fun. Walking down stairs is something that takes practice. Let her pick the shoes, however awful, cheap, and frankly trashy they may be. Let her pick a pair for you and hobble with her down the stairs. She wants to dye her hair? Jump into a conversation about shades of purple or whatever. Go through Pinterest with her to find a look that suits her, ombre, lavender stripe, the under color with her natural hair on top to cover (it's a thing). Build a relationship with her at all cost. Change begins with you. Get your own therapist, your own meds. Sounds like she's not the only one experiencing depression and anxiety. Model for her, let her know that she's not a problem.[/quote]
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