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[quote=Anonymous]Divorced a number of years ago.  High conflict.  Didn't litigate.  But lots of arguments.  Not about kids.  Always respected each other as parents.  Arguments about marriage.  Relationship.  How it ended.  Anyway amicable for years now.  Argument with my 13 year old DS over phone the other day. Running point of contention.  He escalates a lot as a teen now.  New.  More emotional. Says he doesn't feel heard.  Intense exchange.  He goes to quiet superiority and pokes with verbal statements.  To get a reaction.  He gets me going for a while then I realize what is going on and call him on it.  And he breaks down.  Says I was doing to you what dad did.  I manipulated you and you reacted the same way you did to him.  I am pretty stunned.   I know I shouldn't be.  We learn what we see.  I know I am responsible for this because I had a role in my marriage's failure and the arguments related to that.  But self hatred isn't going to help me here.  I am worried about the incident.  His ability to mimic his father. The need for me to see it coming and remain calm.  And my ability to help my son see he is his own wonderful person and doesn't have to repeat our mistakes.  Appreciate any advice.  [/quote]

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