Reply to how could I have handled this better -- found self in argument with both DS, 3 and DH

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Reply to "how could I have handled this better -- found self in argument with both DS, 3 and DH"

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[quote=Anonymous]We could disect this all day long. But I will tell you as the mom of five grown/nearly grown kids, the answer is super obvious to me.  You are feeling hurt, rejected, embarrassed, and guilty.

Hurt -  You feel that your inlaws, your DH and your preschooler are against you.

Rejected - You say your preschooler "strongly prefers your DH". You go on to explain that you have tried to fix the relationship with your son by cutting back on work and spending more time with him.  Your DH "doesn't even know his teachers' names" after all.

Embarrassed -  Even your in-laws have noticed that your son strongly prefers his father.  Everyone knows young children should prefer their mothers.  They must think you are a bad mom.

Guilty -  You cut back on your work schedule to fix the relationship.

Does it seem kind of silly when you read it?  Let's look at it realistically.

Hurt/Rejected -  Most (all of mine) kids go through periods where they prefer one parent over the other. As a secure mom, I was thrilled when my kids wanted daddy. Perfect excuse for letting dad handle bedtime! Taking it out on your husband is silly. Your child is not rejecting you. He is telling you that in that moment, he wanted dad.  Six months from now, he may not let daddy cut his steak.  But today, he wants daddy.  Don't take it personally. It isn't about you.

Embarrassed - If your in-laws remember anything about having young kids, they aren't giving this a thought. If anything, they are happy to see that their son is an involved father. I have two grandkids. I would never judge my DIL for something like this.  We would probably laugh about it.

Guilty - This is the one that jumps out at me.  Why are you feeling so guilty?  Your DH works outside the home, right? Do you really believe that working is damaging your relationship with your son?  I think if you can sort out the guilt issue, the rest will fall in place.

I'll call you on this - I don't believe you gently touched your DH's arm. I'm not suggesting you were abusive.  But I would bet money you grabbed his arm in a moment of anger and frustration.

Spend some time sorting out where the guilt and insecurity come from. And talk openly with your DH about your feelings. He needs to be more sensitive as well.  Parenting is hard. We all have moments when we aren't our best.  Work on it. But don't beat yourself up over it. [/quote]

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