Reply to Husband created sexless marriage. Now sort of back. I can't deal.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband created sexless marriage. Now sort of back. I can't deal. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My husband pretty much slammed the brakes on sex shortly after we married. He said he didn't feel well and went without touching me for months. He's not gay; he's a hypochondriac who shuts down sometimes. After the first abandonment I managed to find my sex drive though I'd been suppressing it for a long time. After the second time, I felt so betrayed I basically shut down. He was ready for sex at some point after that  but I'd been working so hard to keep my need for intimacy in check (masturbation helps but it doesn't solve the need to be desired and held) that I just couldn't make myself available to be touched again- not by him, anyway. I'd gone as much as a year forcing myself not to be frustrated and needy when I got into bed with him. It worked. I've trained myself not to expect touch and on the intervals when he's back in the game. Last time he was ready I was just unable to let myself want him but he was unhappy so I finally slept with him a few times. It wasn't great for me but I was encouraging. However, he decided I just didn't like him because he's "bad at it" and shut down again.

I asked him about it and he basically blamed me. I'm not one for the blame game at all but I'm mad now. He withheld sex out of the blue for months at a time. We fought about it. I begged him to at least hug and hold me during those times and he said I didn't understand he was sick. He was going to work at the time and could have touched me even if he was worried sex would be too much. I went through years of this waiting and coming back when I could and was finally the wife he trained me to be -- somebody who shared a bed without expecting sex. Then he came back and pouted and sulked that I couldn't revive what he'd killed. And when I finally tried he did it again and is pouring and sulking again.

I don't want to leave. We're not doing well financially and couldn't swing two households. My middle school child is going through some tough things and I need my flexible job so I can be present and supportive through this time. My husband doesn't want to divorce either. He's a fairly joyless person whose answer to everything is to hide behind his computer or in bed.

I really want to have intimacy in my life but not at the cost of poverty and hurting my kid. Child has no idea anything is amiss. We have family breakfasts and dinner together, never fight, and manage to do school activities, host sleepovers, and take a family vacation (usually a rental by a national park) every year. She's never known him when he was higher energy so it's not like she sees a difference. She doesn't know I got pregnant after trying for about a week (why would she?).

I feel like an open marriage woood work best for all but think he wouldn't go for it.  
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics