Reply to Buying Car for (Step) Daughter... Mom wants input

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[quote=Anonymous]I am going to try to make this brief and clear. My husband and his ex-wife divorced when my stepdaughter was 2. My husband and I started dating when she was 3 and got married when she was 7. She lived with us (and later our kids) until my husband passed away the summer before her senior year of high school. At my stepdaughter's request her mother allowed me to become her legal guardian until she she turned 18 so that she could still live with me and graduate from the high school she had been attending. She went to college on a full tuition scholarship out of state and will be graduating in May. She has no college loans and good (although very little) credit. Every college break she has split her time between my house and her mother's house and I have provided about half of her financial support since she has been in college. She does not have firm plans after college. She has applied to several jobs as well as graduate school (though she is leaning towards taking at least a year off).

The mom and I are friendly, but we are not friends. We do not hang out together but we have had occasions to interact and we have always been respectful and more than just cordial. Like most divorced parent ( I would imagine) we have had to compromise our parenting styles for the good of my stepdaughter and most of interactions have revolved around finances.

I am going to buy my stepdaughter a car for graduation. It is not a surprise, in fact we have been talking about this for 2 years. The other day when we talked she was frustrated because she said her mother kept dropping hints about the kind of car she should get. I asked her what difference did it make what her mom wanted, this is my gift to her so it is between the two of us. My stepdaughter said that her mother told her that if she (the mom) doesn't like the car (because you know how boring your stepmother can be) they should sell it and get something cuter. It has been a few days and I am trying to find the best way to handle this calmly. What I initially wanted to do is call her mother and cuss her out (just kidding... not really). Anyway, I am looking for the best way to handle this tactfully but forcefully.

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