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[quote=Anonymous]I was a bit of a disaster in my early 20's (dropouts, transfers, depression, anxiety, laziness, social isolation due to said transfers) . My mom gave me unconditional, loving support - not financial, mind you, but she LISTENED. Didn't try to crisis manage or give advice. When I (finally!) finished undergrad with a shitty GPA, she was proud of me for getting through it. Her support, as well as her offhand remark that there was no reason I COULDN'T apply to grad school, gave me the boost I needed. My self-esteem was destroyed after being a successful high school student whose friends and peers passed me by. Bit by bit, I got some self-esteem and self-respect back, and worked my ass off to finish a not-impressive Master's Program. Nearly 10 years later, I have a healthy life and a good career.

Be a source of support, not strife. Your kids KNOW they are letting you down. They are likely watching their former hs friends kick ass at their careers, get married, have kids, buy houses. You can't help them succeed by getting involved in their work and academics. I cringe at some of the rude, selfish things I once did to my parents. I threw a tantrum when they stopped paying my rent at 23, but it was the best thing for me. I still got financial help when, for example, I needed money to move to DC to take my first postgraduate job. Disengage, but be kind and welcoming, No snide or side remarks about work or money. Take them out for dinner, one-on-one, and don't mention school, money, or work. Try relating to them as adults. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I imagine it was my parents' biggest parenting challenge. [/quote]

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