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[quote=Anonymous]I have a lot of negative feelings about my ILs, and I spend a decent amount of time fretting about it. So I just wanted to write this out and see if anyone has any insight for me. I have known the ILs for several years and have struggled with this from the beginning.

First of all, our relationships are very cordial and fine on the surface level. And maybe that's all that is needed. The situation is not bad at all, and maybe there is nothing to be done about it other than changing my outlook on it.

The ILs don't really ask too much of us, it's just that the relationship is really one-sided. They are always wanting, wanting, wanting, to see the kids, and now especially that I have a late and unexpected baby.

I am in the position to give them what they want, and I mainly go above and beyond, and I feel generous about it.

But I also feel resentment, contempt, annoyance. And behind that, I feel guilty and ashamed because 1) We are all that my DH's parents have 2) FIL is basically a saint 3) MIL is disabled.

Why am I so secretly mean about them??? There is this stuff: They are not my types. And I think I'm really open -- have prided myself of getting to know and appreciate lots of different kinds of people. But my ILs have me kinda stumped. I don't really like them. I can't easily have conversations with them. I don't relate to their lives, we don't have much in common. I can't find much to admire about MIL except that she's "nice." Can't find anything to discuss with her except kids.

Also there is this: My DH was adopted and he has a great deal of ambivalence, conflicted and disconnected feelings concerning his parents (even though they gave him a loving, safe and privileged upbringing). So I think I absorb his feelings too and that makes it harder.

Would appreciate any thoughts.

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