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[quote=Anonymous]We have a 13 year old son, who has always shown some signs of aspergers. Even if people asked, I would say he is not on the spectrum, because my mom works with kids who have neurological issues, and she always told me he is not!
  Now suddenly as an aside, she mentions it like "of course" he has aspergers. I'm so upset with her! It would be one thing if i'd never considered it myself, but I had in the past frequently asked her her thoughts. She said she thought somehow the news would scare or upset me or that I would hold it against her. I'm so annoyed, and I feel embarrassed for all the times I dismissed my friends' questions.

Anyway, that ranting aside. It might not have made a whole lot of difference, except that I think I would have done social interventions sooner.

My son manages life very well, for the most part. He's very smart, in the most advanced classes, gets straight As, and has great executive function (very organized and on top of his homework.)

However, he can't make eye contact with strangers, and even with family, I sometimes need to remind him to look at me. He doesn't have any friends, and doesn't seem to need friends. Well, he seems to have a small wish to be with friends. He went to an HGC and did better socially in that environment than he has done anywhere else. That is, he had fun with his peers, and was as accepted as anyone, but still didn't see friends outside of school. However, now that he's in a regular public middle school, he is more of a loner again.

Perhaps most disturbing to me is that he has very black-and-white thinking, sometimes to the extreme of insisting on something that seems quite irrational. Also completely unable to answer questions about feelings. It is strange, because he's very artistic and musically gifted, loves reading, but cannot talk about music or art or books (the way other people i know who love music/art/literature do). He doesn't hug people or like being hugged, and doesn't ask others about themselves. (ie, how are you, how was xyz, etc) But he IS funny and extremely observant. And while he doesn't seem to express much compassion as such, one of the things that bothers him most is when he feels someone is being unfairly judged.

Other signs he has shown that made me wonder if he's on the spectrum is he toe-walked until about age 11 (when I also got him some PT for it.) and he could speak about 100 words at age 1, and started reading at 3...  He has never really interacted directly much with other kids. that is, he loves to be among kids being rowdy or goofy, but doesn't talk to kids directly. Except one kid, who we lost touch with, where they would just talk to each other in a very informational way, if that makes sense. But I thought that was just something boys did. (ie, describe a video game at length.) He loves routine. However, I thought this is true of many children.  I knew he was sensitive as a kid (ie, upset by loud or sudden noises, exhausted by social interaction.) However, I just accommodated this, and his life was very low-key in his toddler years, with no screen time, few playdates, and lots of nature. I think for the most part, it was good for him. He has never been bullied and I don't necessarily foresee it. (knock on wood.) It helps that he's tall for his age, and athletic. He doesn't do anything socially that is obviously weird or out of place, except for not making eye contact, and sometimes not answering their questions (or answering so quietly they don't hear.) I don't think he'd talk to a stranger if his life depended on it, and that needs to be addressed. He does have one sibling, and does enjoy doing things together with her, for which I'm grateful.

So, my question is, what should I do now? Is there any drawback to asking the school counselor about my concern? (I did mention it to her once before, just about his social issues, and she was very relaxed and said as long as he's happy, it's fine, and he'll find his place later, maybe in college. But she hasn't actually met him in person.)  I guess I'm wondering if there are any disadvantages to having him "labeled" in his school records, if we don't need any academic support or interventions? (though social ones would be useful.)      I don't think we have $4000 for a diagnosis anyway (i saw that number in this forum.)  What have people done to improve social skills in kids with Aspergers? (I don't need to make him social per se, I just want him to be social enough to find a job one day, and to be safe in the world.) Do people think that he would himself benefit from getting a diagnosis?

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