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Reply to "How do you manage relationships with ultra-religious family members?"
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[quote=Anonymous] OP, is this one person or several? You refer first to "a member" of the family then afterward say "they" do this and that, so I'm not clear if you are talking about one person or more than one. I ask because you would deal with just one person differently from how you might deal with, say, a married couple and all their kids. I'll use singular here, anyway. If this person is someone you love -- then why would you want to do the "avoid" and "slow fade" stuff that some PPs advocate? If you cared for this person before the religious awakening, then you still care for this person AS a person now -- don't you? If this is someone who was mostly peripheral to your life, like a cousin you don't really see or interact with much but just follow a bit on social media and see at occasional, group events for the wider family: Then you just ensure that you are respectful and listen when he or she talks for a while, then always change the topic to something of mutual interest like "Did you know that cousin Sally's daughter is going to College X next year?" If this is someone whom you are likely to see more often and with whom you did things, shared things, went places before this change: Don't assume you must now cut off this relative. If your relative was interested in (just a random example) going to farmer's markets on Saturdays and you sometimes did that together, then ask the relative to do that. At the market, talk about what you're seeing and enjoying. Focus on the activity rather than doing a big conversation. Apply to whatever you might have done with this person previously. Just because they are more devout does not really mean they will never again do anything other than go to church and come home and post all day on social media about religion. They will still have interests and activities, it's just that those things may be taking a back seat for a time. Be proactive and ask this relative to do something with you; having an activity as the focus can be much easier than being at a gathering where you're expected to chat. Please don't dump a relative for being devout. This phase is likely to mellow (the talk about faith, not necessarily the faith itself!). You can't expect a convert to tamp down his or her genuine excitement but you can control how you react to it, and yes, you can limit contact for a while, but I can't see cutting off someone I cared about just for this unless truly strident conversion was his or her goal. [/quote]
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