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[quote=Anonymous]OP my heart goes out to you.  I work with children with eating disorders and I want to share what I think you should do.

I am impressed that you recognize that anxiety is the root of all of this, this has to be approached the way you would approach any anxiety in a child.  First rule: do not accommodate the anxiety.  That doesn't mean wash your hands of the whole thing, it means that you are sending a clear message to your son (and yourself) that this is an issue that he has to get past in his own way and in his own time.  [b]This is not your issue to fix for him, this is his issue for you to help him figure out for himself how to fix.[/b]

It is a very important issue.  Please don't ever let anyone convince you that if he doesn't eat in the cafeteria it's not the end of the world.  This isn't about eating in the cafeteria, it's about anxiety.  And anxiety must always be taken seriously and addressed.

If you haven't already, I would acknowledge his struggle with him and assure him that you are a resource to help him figure out how to get through this.  Ask him if he has thought about setting an end goal:  by ________ date he will be able to sit in the cafeteria for ___________ minutes and eat __________.  Something to that effect.

Ask him to visualize, if you could eat something in the cafeteria what would it be?  What do you think would taste good?  What do you think you could open easily and eat easily?  What kinds of things do his friends eat?  Also ask him what would he do if he ate something and he didn't like the way it tasted?  What would that mean to him and what could he do about it?  I don't mean to pepper him with a million questions, I'm just giving you some ideas of what you can ask.

I suspect that he has other areas where he is self-conscious, although I could be wrong.  It sounds like part of his issue is that he doesn't want to be watched while he eats which is why he has difficulty eating outside of the house.  Look for areas where the anxiety is generalizing in other areas.

If you do the goal setting, which I highly recommend, make it a teeny little goal.  Like, by the end of the week do you think you could have one goldfish cracker?

Is he learning how to breathe?  Does he know where he holds anxiety in his body?

Kudos to you for reaching out OP.[/quote]

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