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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]your decision, OP!  if I were you, I'd figure it out and go anyway.  being out of my comfort zone is good for me, especially as I begin to feel my age.  and your DD probably misses you!  but I'm not you.  "no, not going to do it."  is perfectly adequate.  she'll be frustrated, but such is life.  you can't control other people.  you can give her the same reasons you stated above.  [/quote]

Agree.

OP, tell her nicely but firmly --and if this is by phone, write out what you'll say to her, and how you'll answer questions. If it's by e-mail, do a few drafts first. Be brief but direct and emphasize how much you are glad she is having such a wonderful experience and how you look forward to hearing about it.

But don't bring up how you're not adventurous or how you don't want to get outside your comfort zone. You have every right to feel that way, of course. But there's no need to make that a reason when you talk to her. She won't get it and will remember that forever and always think less of you for that, because she herself sees being in India as something that defines who she is. Tell her that you are so glad she wants to share it with you but....

Instead focus on the hard realities: You have a horse, who requires more care than if you were just putting up the cat or dog in a kennel for a week, or having a pet-sitter stop by once each day. And you have other children -- her younger siblings! -- and are not leaving them alone for a week, period. Your DD is likely to carp at you about how the teens are capable of caring for the animals on their own for ONE week but just put a smile into your voice when you talk to her and say, "Sorry, honey, I know that sounds like it's doable, but as a parent, I know I don't want Your Sibs here alone for a week right now. That's a call that I as a parent have to make."

Then change the topic!

If she really would visit her "wrath" on you -- that's a pretty telling word you used there -- she might be pretty intolerant of others' wants and needs. Is she like that in other areas of life, or is she just so wrapped up in the wonders of her current experience that she is blinded to the idea anyone else might not be as thrilled as she is? I hope the latter is the case, and that she's just so enthralled that she wants to share that and isn't mature enough yet to know how to take no for an answer....

Just go into the conversation (or the e-mail) prepared and having thought through what you'll say to all her objections like how her siblings shouldn't be coddled by you or how you are too scared. Do not rise to the bait if she goes on in that way. Just be firm, do not over-explain your reasons, and change the topic or have a reason to get off the phone or end the e-mail (I have to go feed the horse/have to pick up your sister now/whatever).[/quote]

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