Reply to Intervene to Save a Student Life from Suicide or Threat of Violence, Yes, But How About from Drugs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, thank you for this posts and these thoughts. My kids are slightly younger so I'm not yet at the high school age where this is going on, but I have been through a heroin overdose/death by a promising young person in my family, so I do have some familiarity with the situation.

My one question is this: [i]Why does your contact with the student's family have to be anonymous?[/i] I ask this sincerely. If it were my child, I would hug and kiss and thank you for bringing this to my attention, even if (especially if?) you were someone I didn't really know who took the time and interest to help my kid. I guess I can see why your kids would want to keep contact with a guidance counselor about a friend anonymous, but why are we parents afraid to speak up?[/quote]

That is a good question pp, and I had to think about it for a while.  If the student were a good friend of my child, [i]and[/i] I knew the parents well enough to consider them friends, then yes, I would meet with them personally to discuss the issue.

However this sort of issue is highly uncomfortable to discuss and, by its nature, somewhat confrontational or accusatory.  I think that to approach someone you do not know well in person might lead them to be defensive and embarrassed as a first instinct, and not allow them to focus on the issue at hand.  Sending the parents an anonymous letter takes the confrontational aspect out of it, removes the them-versus-you setup, foregoes the embarrassment, and allows the parents to focus on the issue at hand, which is their child's drug use.

Also, most parents are not capable of withholding information from their child in this context, and it would inevitably come out that they were approached by Dick's mother or Jane's father.  If Dick and Jane are the student's good friends it is understandable that they want to help, but if Dick and Jane are simply classmates with no especially close connection they may be perceived as snitches, and face social repercussions or harassment at school.

Additionally, something may get lost in the translation when a parent tries to convey the information from a third-party conversation to their child.  But if a parent can show their child a letter conveying the information, the student is faced with the fact that other people in the community know about their risky behavior and are concerned about it.  That may be a real wake up call, and is difficult to deny. The evidence is right there before them.  The only issue if you write an anonymous letter is to provide enough detail so that the parents fully understand what they are dealing with.  Try to be as specific as possible, and to include as many details (what kind of drugs, how often, when are they used), facts, and examples of the drug use as you can provide.

Finally I would be inclined to approach the family first, either in person or anonymously; as long as I thought the parents actually cared and would be inclined to do something, or as long as I thought that things were not totally out of control for the student, and/or a danger to others in the school's community.  If you approach the school first then, again, it results in a more confrontational setup, and may cause the parents to be more focused on the school's reaction than on their child's problem.    [/quote]

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