Reply to Controlling behavior in a DH due to extreme introversion and anxiety rather than "machismo"

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband is very shy and introverted and very socially anxious.  This anxiety is, naturally, marked in situations in which we interact with other people which I have to say are pretty limited.

Sometimes I feel like his anxiety manifests itself in controlling me, and I wonder whether this is a form of emotional abuse.

The most extreme example occurred about six months ago.  We were at a private school open house-tea type event with the director of admissions and about a half dozen other families and we were asked to go around the room and introduce ourselves.  He introduced himself and said that we were there for our child, etc.  I then introduced myself, said my name, said our son was in 5th grade, etc.  My husband then burst out "I already said that!" to me in a manner that was shushing me.

I think everyone there including the Director was taken aback, and I was mortified.  The Director of Admissions said politely "I think she just wanted to introduce herself to everyone."

I didn't feel like he was trying to abuse me in the classic sense of the controlling macho male; he's not at all like that.  He's shy, introverted, and a feminist.  But the effect of his anxiety is to become overwhelmed and to try to control the situation and that means me, and I think everyone in that room thought he WAS controlling me.

This is the most extreme example but there is a lot of snapping at me like "I already did that!"  "You don't have to do that!"

I'm not sure how to deal with this anymore.   I told him at the time he could not do that again and he knew he was out of line.  He didn't plan to do it; it just happened.

Am I making excuses for him?

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