Reply to 2nd grade DD worried about parents dying during school day

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, please talk to her school counselor ASAP. Do it without your DD there, so you can fully express what's going on, which you don't want to do in front of her. Then the counselor might want to see you together with DD, or may choose to talk to DD one on one without you; work it out.

If the counselor says he or she will see you next week or whatever, please, emphasize that this is a problem happening right now and you'd like to come in or talk by phone tomorrow, rather than waiting.

A good counselor will know how to handle this. Teachers can help too, and do notify the teacher, but counselors often deal with kids who have had deaths in the family or who have fears like these. You do have a specific thing to tie this to -- the death of the friend's grandmother -- and that will help the counselor talk to your DD. Maybe the grandmother was elderly or ill, for instance, and even if she was not, the counselor should be able to help you talk about this.

The counselor is there for you and your spouse, too. Ask for some specific things to say to your DD when she expresses these fears.

Also don't discount the effectiveness of distraction and redirection; she's too old to distract easily from such an intense fear, but you can reassure her then offer something to do that you know she likes.

This will pass with time. It is a pretty normal fear though she sounds more intense right now than some kids would be, in her shoes. But I would not leap to an assumption like possible OCD as someone posted earlier, if this is the first and only time this has happened. And it's rational, to your DD's mind, to have this fear -- after all, a real person whom she really knew (or knew of) actually did die (was it during the school day, OP, and the other child's family told the child something like "It happened while you were at school..."?). Don't dismiss the fear at all, but acknowledge it, and then work with the counselor on showing DD why it's not likely.

And hug her a lot for no particular reason.

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