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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Background info: So my father died from cancer 4 years ago. At the time I was seriously dating the hubs (we got engaged a few months after). My father and I had a very good relationship and my family lives in Howard county.

My MIL has been hospitalized at a hospital in Montgomery county  for the past few days. Her doctors suspect that she might have cancer but cannot diagnose it prior to her having surgery.  But of course since it is before Christmas they won't schedule the surgery until after because it is technically considered "elective."  So now she will have to be in the hospital on Christmas. My husband has been at the hospital with his mother every day this week except one from after 9 am to around 8PM.  I have visited her once although I did ask to go a number of other times but his father felt she wouldn't be up to it.

My family really loves my husband. As such I was disappointed when he said he wasn't going to see them at all and I asked if it would be possible for him to come to my mom's house and open the presents they and my extended family got them in the morning (before 9) and then I could drop him off at the hospital by 9 (the hospital is 30 minutes away from my parents house). He blew up at me and had the nerve to say that I didn't understand because this could be her last Christmas. To which I just incredulously asked "I don't understand?"

It just blows my mind because there were tons of times when my dad was sick that I still made space for him and his needs.  And now I feel like that was a huge mistake.  And furthermore when my dad was sick, he didn't go to the hospital to see him. And he barely asked how I was doing.  I'm actually super pissed but I feel like I can't be mad at him because of what his mom is going through. [/quote]

It's his fear and grief speaking, OP.   People do handle those things differently.   Try to be patient.   Be mad at the situation, but try not to be mad at him.   Someday it might be him steadfastly staying by "your" hospital bed.   I personally think that's a good trait in a person.

Just keep reminding yourself people handle these types of health crises differently.     Your way was great, and thoughtful to your DH.   His way is still good, although I know it feels like he's not being thoughtful to you now.  This is all brand new for him.   Perhaps after the surgery and depending on what they find, he can settle down into a routine of helping mom but still being present in your lives.

Big hugs all the way around.

~been there done that with two parents with cancer at the same time.  :( [/quote]

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