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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Growing up my mom was addicted to pain pills. She never left the house and would control my life from her bedroom. She would get on the computer and chat with friends, pretending to me. she would force me to talk on the phone beside her and write down what I was supposed to say, she would call coaches and complain even thought she never went to any of my games. She would ground me if I didn't go to the tanning bed, would tell me I wasn't pretty/thin enough my whole life. When she wasn't doing those things she just slept all the time, never cooked a meal or played a board gam. It's all very messed up.

Today she is sober and unfortunately is still a bad person. I always had hopes that once she got off the pills things would be better but she's still the same person. I'm still not pretty enough and tells me I don't take pride in my looks. Tells me my daughter looks like a poor kid because she won't keep bows in her hair. [b]If I come to her with a problem she will say it's because our souls aren't right with the lord.[/b] She obsesses over every thing a post on fb and will call me if she doesn't like something I wrote or a picture I took. She told me just this week she hoped I would have turned out better than I did.

How do I come to terms with the only mother I'll ever have just isn't a good one. I've told her how I feel and she starts cryin saying I don't appreciate her and everything she's done for me(not sure what that is) and when I don't play into that she gets angry and says that's just who she is and she can't change. [/quote]

:lol:

True story:  my mother od'd on Oxycontin. I rushed her to the ER and called my brother because she did not look good.  They hit her with some Narcan and she threw up and then woke up a bit.  She then preceded to tell my brother that it was all his fault because he doesn't go to church and if he got right with the Lord these things wouldn't happen. After she sobered up some more, she and I had the biggest fight of my life. I was extremely upset that she almost died. She told me that I was persecuting her and that I lacked a sense of humor.  Completely insane. (Apparently, I was supposed to laugh off  the OD and not rush her to the hospital.) Completely insane. :lol:

Seriously, it's very hard to come to terms with your mother's dysfunction and her on-going abuse. (And she is still abusing you, even though she quit using.)  I am still not sure that I have come to terms with my mother and she's been dead for six years.  There's a saying in AA that if you sober up a drunken horsethief, all you end up with is a sober horsethief. She sounds like she has a personality disorder or mental health issues.  Getting sober isn't going to fix that, unless she gets therapy and/or goes to a 12 step program and works a program.  (Ie. She has to do  all the steps and talk to the group about the process and get a sponsor. Just going isn't enough. )

You can't make her do anything.  You can't make her the mother that you deserve to have.  You can only work on your own stuff and take care of yourself. Therapy can help.   Self-help books can be helpful.  [i]Toxic Parents,  Walking on Eggshells,[/i] and [i]Trapped in the Mirror[/i] were helpful for me. The book that helped me the most is a book called [i]Zen of Recovery[/i]. Metta meditation helps with the sorrow and hurt that I feel over the relationship.   I find that helping others helps me.  I didn't find much useful in Al-Anon but other people do.  There's a reddit group called Raised by Narcissists that helps some people.

Good luck.  It's very difficult to take care of an abusive parent as they age. I am sorry. Nobody deserves to deal with this.
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