Reply to Can I give up on trying to parent my 11-year-old?

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Reply to " Can I give up on trying to parent my 11-year-old?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Troll.[/quote]

NP. And I'm inclined to say not a troll because I felt just like this at about this point of DS's first year of MS (7th for us in FCPS). I spent more time than I care to admit that fall crying in my bedroom and angry at my kid. We turned it around, but it took some time, energy and money.  So, practical tips:

No electronics before homework and other commitments are taken care of.  Period.  Non- negotiable.  End of story. Electronics checked in to you at night, and out by you once you are satisfied homework is done.  And not checked out at all if they haven't done something they were suppose to at school, like retake a test, or turn in a missing assignment. If a smartphone needs to go to school, it gets checked in on the way in the door.  If a computer is needed for homework, it is used at the kitchen table.  Once an ADHD kid goes down the electronics rabbit hole, they seem to can't help themselves.  It also helps to put a kindle fire, iPad etc on a timer to monitor screen time. If you get a 1/2 hour on school nights, it is easier to have the device shut off at the end of the time than have you take it away, while they argue for more time.

Medicate.  Medicate. Medicate.  And realize that kids can change a lot as they hit puberty.  An Adderall XR may be leaving their system for the day just as they get home and need to do homework.  Which can cause meltdowns. They may need a booster.  Once academics became more hardcore, we did an Adderall XR before school and an IR right after to get coverage from 3-7.  Now in high school, we do an XR, with a school nurse checkin between classes for at around 2 for a second XR. It helps a lot.

Make sure you have a 504 place with the school and communicate with the counselor and teachers during transitions.

Our lifesaver has been an ADHD/executive functioning tutor.  Someone who comes, looks on SIS for missing work, monitors grades, looks on blackboard for assignments, helps the child plan work for the week and plan out larger projects, works on keeping binders organized.  Yep.  I could save the money and do this myself.  But it's very ineffective because it is one, long, constant argument with a lot of pushback. Having someone else nag him about turning in X or doing more work/ getting caught up on Y (with text reminders between sessions) makes him more likely to listen, and helps our relationship a lot.  We have had good luck with Educational Connections in NOVA, but I'm sure other companies and private tutor do this too.

It will get better.  My once C/D middle school student  is now a strong high school student at a (the) top high school  (although we hit another rough patch adjusting to high school and got through it).  Don't stop parenting.  Sometimes kids push you away the most when they need the most support. You got this. [/quote]
NP here. How expensive is the ADHD coach? We are starting t think about using one for DD who is also in middle school.[/quote]

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