Reply to Husband asked for a divorce last night

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[quote=Anonymous]As a kid who went through a plan, I would say they very important things are to:

1. Always, always treat each other civilly and respectfully in front of the kids. Try to continue to present a united front to them, with some basic rules they can rely on when they switch custody. An hour of screen time.  A stable bedtime.  Homework before screens.  Whatever.  Of course you will end up parenting differently-- but try to keep some basic things constant-- especially at first. And don't  bad moth, assign blame or make them feel like they have to choose sides.

2.  Since you have some time, work out the issues that directly affect them before you talk to them. Kids at that age care most about how their life will change, or not. So tell them where they will live and go to school, what the custody arrangement will be.  They will need to know that someone will still take them to soccer and dance lessons, who will take care of the family pet, and that there is a way for them to access favorite toys, clothes, etc. Small things matter.  Make sure you are both CC'd on emails from the school and teachers and about activities. The more stability and certainty you can provide up front, the better.

3. Assure them that they didn't do anything to cause this. This is an adult problem (without getting into the details of where the marriage went off track).  Not anything caused by the kids.

4.  Respectfully disagree with the PP who said to make him the Thurs-Sunday parent. Especially as kids get older, the weekday for kids is full of school, homework and running kids from point A to point B for music lessons, sports practices, etc. everyone is tired from work.  You have very little quality time with the kids. It is all about getting things done and getting them to bed.  The weekend parent gets to be the "fun one" who takes them on outings and has movie nights. You have more unstructured time to hang up. Make sure you both have some weekday duty (and are the nagging parent) and some weekend duty (and are the fun parent)-- it's best your relationship with the kids.

5.  Fidure out if your are sepeerating, and might reconcile down the road.  Or definitely divorcing, and this is the end of the line.  Then be honest with your kids.  Mommy and Daddy are living apart for a while is a different conversation than Mommy and Daddy are never getting back together.  And if divorce is definite, be clear and honest with the kids. Don't leave them hoping that things will work out.

Good luck and <3[/quote]

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