Reply to People I didn't expect to put my kid into a 1-dimensional DISABLED category

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Reply to "People I didn't expect to put my kid into a 1-dimensional DISABLED category"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
We shouldn't get riled up, OP.

These missed exchanges are part of sharing and helping others. Don't forget all the helpful and spot-on advice we have all received, although they are of course less frequent than all the ones that miss the mark!

My son is gifted and learning disabled with severe ADHD. Rather like your son, having a wide variation in skill set is something most people, even supposed experts, can't quite grasp, and we should educate them and not get offended when they don't understand.

My struggles have been two-fold:

1. Finding appropriate education for him. I finally found something quite unadvertised within the MCPS system: a program for GT/LD students! It's not perfect but it's so much better than what he had before.

2. What's really hurtful are not strangers' comments, but ones made by close friends or close family members who really should know better. My husband took the entire primary school years to acknowledge that our son needed a neuropsychological eval and medical treatment. My best friend's husband told us many times to our face that ADHD was overdiagnosed and that boys will be boys and that my son was perfectly normal (there is NOTHING typical about him, and he doesn't even have the typical hyperactivity associated with ADHD in the minds of the general population). Ignorant and rude comments were made by my family, and my husband's family.

So, yes. It's humbling to be the caregiver for someone who is outside of the expected norm, whether it's a child or an adult. Takes a lot out of you. We all need to stay strong and purposeful.[/quote]

Yes, it is really hard when those close to us are hurtful.

I think I can cast a broad stroke or brush or whatever the saying is and say as a basic rule strangers, friends and family should not offer unsolicited advice. If someone ASKS you for it, by all means give it generously. Trying to be an expert on another person's child  or even a diagnostician of the disability is rarely if ever a good idea either. I think another generalization I can make is always see the person before the disability. It's a lot more innocuous to see a kids soccer team shirt and say "oh, 2 of my kids play soccer too" or "my kid collects baseball cards too" than it is to say "oh I noticed your kid flapping. I have an autistic child too" and then what often follows is well meaning information that isn't anyone's place to share without a request.  [/quote]

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