Reply to how can you make it up to a betrayed hurt spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages.  How do those hurt get what they need after?[/quote]

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful[/quote]

I have not lost a child, knock wood.  I had an emotional affair and caused the pain.  So, I am not in your position.  Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy.  I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be.  I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had.  But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way.  I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse.  I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place.  I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling.  Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.  [/quote]

As someone who has neither lost a baby (are stillborn babies "fake"?) or been cheated on, I don't think you are in a position to be lecturing the pp about healthy ways to deal with their grief.[/quote]

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